But the glitch has cleared up. Huzzah!
I missed my usual blogging window because I lost track of time while painting, so it's only fair to give you a sneak peek at the current picture. Keep in mind, of course, that it's not finished.
I have missed a day again. Damn!
But the glitch has cleared up. Huzzah! I missed my usual blogging window because I lost track of time while painting, so it's only fair to give you a sneak peek at the current picture. Keep in mind, of course, that it's not finished.
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I have painted a mural in the old Whittier building! It's a hundred-year-old elementary school on the West Side that my daughter and younger stepson attend. Incidentally, I did as well, in 6th grade. I loved that building, and still do. So it's been a cathartic week. I took pictures of the progression to share with you. Shall we try the slideshow function? Do let's. Hold the phone, darlings! Remember my Sandworms in Middle Earth rant? Couple of days ago, can't miss it. Well, when they arrive onscreen Gandalf says, in a boding voice, "Wereworms!" Which I found hysterical. But I was reading The Hobbit earlier today, and found this on page 25: So, who knew? Tolkien coined the word after all.
This does NOT mean he wouldn't be appalled by the filmmakers' use of it. My rant still stands. But it was fun to be wrong about part of their source material. Holy crap. I've finally missed a day. When I look at my archives, there will be nothing under February 18th.
In order to feel good about this, I am hereby declaring that February 18th no longer exists. If that is your birthday, you will just have to celebrate on the nearest Saturday, like February 29th babies. I know it's hard, but you must realize I have to have a blog entry on every verifiable calendar day. Sorry for the inconvenience. I'm not OCD, I swear. Did you read yesterday's post? Yes? Then let's move on. . .
There were so many things done wrong. Not just “not in the book” but plain old bad storytelling. An interspecies love affair is frankly gross, and unnecessary; their subplot would have been far more powerful if they’d just become friends. Radagast has a birds’ nest in his hair, fine; but birds don’t poop where they sleep, so the crap all down his face was both disgusting and unlikely. The pacing was all wrong, and the scenes that should have been used to build suspense—such as Riddles in the Dark—were hurried through, like the filmmakers didn’t trust the audience to stay interested if there weren’t limbs getting hacked off or dizzying pans of chase scenes. Which reminds me, as someone who never watches a movie in 3D because it gives me migraines, the quality of cinematography really suffers when something is filmed in 3D. It looks terrible. Yes, there’s more. Let’s discuss the makers’ obsession with tying the whole enterprise to Lord of the Rings. Now, it would have been totally appropriate for them to touch on the connection, then move on. This is, after all, a different story, set seventy-some-odd years before the events in the other films, it can carry its own weight. But nobody in the writing room seems to have thought so, because they spend hours hammering it home. Not just the unnecessary twenty minutes at the beginning of Unexpected Journey, but all over the place. Gollum’s personality was altered to fit the other movies; an orc wounds Kili with a “Morgul shaft,” which is then healed by an elf using athelas (this is me not mentioning how insulting that is to fans of the books, who know damn well that Morgul blades only come from Minas Morgul, and only the king can use athelas with any success); key phrases are brought out to air, Galadriel’s “You would have a queen” special effects are replayed. They mention Aragorn the Ranger, for crying out loud. And there was waaaay too much Legolas. But most blatant—and least forgivable—is the treatment they gave Bilbo’s character. They used the Ring to corrupt him, apparently because they believed that if Bilbo remained innocent of corruption, Frodo’s story would unravel. This is utter bullshit, and the things they did to smirch up our Bilbo were just stupid. He sees the ring fall from Gollum’s pocket, which means he really is the thief Gollum calls him. Splat goes our hero’s moral high ground. Why have him kick Gollum on the way out? Why make him kill the baby spider? Or lie to Gandalf at their parting? Even in the context of all six films this is confusing, since Gandalf is clearly in the know when Fellowship rolls around. So…WTF? Five Armies was the unkindest cut of all. Bard uses his son’s neck as a prop for the black arrow, and fires it using an apparently elastic bowstring. I have no words for how wrong that is. But it was one of the opening scenes, so perhaps they did it as a warning of worse to come. All the extraneous subplots they invented for these movies were left unresolved. Thranduil has no epiphany; Thorin has no funeral; The Arkenstone is last seen in Bard’s pocket, and even the title battle doesn’t actually have an ending. And disappointment was heaped on disappointment: Billy Connelly has barely any screen time, and neither does Stephen Fry, because they dropped a dragon on him. His role was assumed by the secondary Slimy Bad Guy, and even he was given no closure—just wandered away in drag. Beorn is airdropped from an eagle, but that’s the last time we see him. And, as soon as I’ve forgiven all of these atrocities, the sandworms rise in my memory like bad Mexican food and I have to start over. Yes, sandworms. Middle Earth didn’t have enough fauna, so they imported some from Arrakis. Peter Jackson, what the hell were you thinking? Of course, there is still a faint hope that many of my complaints regarding plotlines flapping loose will be addressed in the extended version. That would be nice. But there will still be sandworms. The infuriating part is, this trilogy could have been so good. The screen was jammed full of excellent actors, and the hands-down best parts of all three films are the ones when Martin Freeman or Ian McKellen or Richard Armitage are just, you know. Acting. Being good at what they do. Respect for the fans would have resulted in a better story. A Bilbo who retains his innocence would also have made a better story. Remembering that elves are capable of cutting loose and partying would have helped; and I was saddened by the missed opportunity to pay actual homage to the original events, in that Aragorn would have been about ten years old and living in Rivendell with his mother at this time. Imagine if they'd given him a scene! How awesome would that have been? *sigh* If you plan to attack The Silmarillion next, P.J., call me first. |
ArtistHi there! Stick around! Kick off your shoes and have some tea. I'm Robin, and this is my place. Archives
May 2019
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